Too much

~Mother's Day
~May, 17th (the day I walked across the stage and accepted my diploma. Grama watched on TV from home. Later that evening, Grama went to the hospital and never left)
~June 2nd (Grama's birthday)
~June 9th (1 year anniversary of Grama's death)

I've been feeling emotionally "crappy". I can't put a finger on the word to describe it, but I feel there's way too much "going on". All these dates just HAVE to be so close together. It's just too much for me to handle emotionally. I'm confused, I can't concentrate, I can't sleep, I'm clumsy, I forget about appointments, I go to the store and have my list in front of me and forget half the things on it. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I can't wait for all these dates to be over with. One has passed and that was hard enough. People don't understand. They say, She was "JUST your grandmother". It isn't like you lost a parent." To that, I say "Screw YOU." She was far from "JUST my grandmother." I'm angry and I don't know who or what to be angry at. I don't remember very much about my childhood, but what I do remember, very vividly is camping with my grandparents and going to the pool everyday, all day and spending the entire summer with them. Then some stupid asshole cells decide they were going to turn into cancer cells and take the life of my grandfather. After that, they decided that, that just wasn't enough. They waited 12 years and decided that it'd be fun to do the same thing to my grandmother. I'm angry at the disease. It takes the lives of the most wonderful people. My grandfather never let his grand kids go without. I remember that my parents took us all out to dinner shortly before he died and one of us grand kids said something about chapped lips and he wanted to go straight to the store , immediately if possible, to get some chap stick. And Grama-you could tell her anything and it never left her lips...you could tell her your deepest, darkest secret and no matter what it was, she never told anybody. She never judged anybody. And she loved me unconditionally. And now, sometimes I don't feel like I'm loved at all, even though I know I am. I feel like I lost my best friend.