May 17th

Last year, on May 17th, 2008 I walked across the stage and accepted my diploma. After, I met my dad and step mom with the kids at Mc Donald's for lunch before Andrew's baseball game. While in line I eagerly called my Grama to ask her if she saw me and she excitedly said yes. She seemed so happy, so proud. Yesterday was a year ago that, that happened. Later that night Grama went into the hospital and never came home, dying just a few short weeks later from lung cancer. Mother's Day was hard and yesterday was hard. I know it may not seem like a big deal to everyone else, but it is too me. I feel like it's happening all over again---her getting sick and her dying. I can't explain exactly how I feel; I can't put a word on it, other than it feels like it's happening all over again and this time my emotions are much more "strong" and seem so much more "real" than they did last year. And then my birthday. She died on my birthday. This year will be my 30th birthday. How can I celebrate on my birthday when it's the anniversary of my Grama's death? That would be selfish and I would feel guilty. It's not a happy day, no matter what anyone says. If I could go to sleep on June 8th and wake up on June 10th, I'd be happy.