Last night's dream...

I had this awful weird dream last night. I dreamed that I was pregnant with twin girls. I don't remember what I was doing, but all of a sudden my belly ripped open and of the babies came out. She had TONS of thick red hair. And just as suddenly as my belly ripped open (it didn't hurt BTW) it closed back up with the other baby inside leaving no scar at all; no sign that my skin had been ripped open. I remember before my stomach ripped open that I was hoping that the babies were identical twins. After the one baby was born I remember breastfeeding her and driving to and waiting on her father, who KNEW she was born early and needed immediate medical care, so he could bring us to the special hospital in Albany, NY that has a NICU. I remember that, whatever her father was doing was fruitless and stupid, but I don't remember exactly what it was. Soon after, I was woken up by my alarm. I tend to believe that most dreams hold some kind of "meaning" from your subconscious mind. I think this dream had A LOT of significance and it ties into A LOT of things that are going on with my life. My stomach ripping open and only one of the babies being born represents how I feel about being in treatment for Anorexia. I feel like the one thing I have control over is being taken from me against my will and since babies develop in the area that looks like your stomach and that's where food goes...well, I think you get the idea. The baby that was left inside represents my intense desire and grip to hold onto my eating disorder and not letting anyone take that away from me. So, the baby leaving prematurely represents my denial about my Anorexia but not feeling like I have control over it anymore (premature births are NOT controlled, obviously, and you don't want the baby to be "taken" out of your body before you are ready and I'm not ready to give up my eating disorder) because I am attending a treatment program for it. The baby that stays is me, being stubborn and represents the "fighter" in me, holding on tightly to my disease. The fact that the "born" baby's father was being fruitless, stupid, and irresponsible represents my current worry and anxiety over Andrew's father and the BS going on with him trying to get out of paying child support...(he has a petition to end support completely), and that's irresponsible. Even though I am 100% sure that he was not the father of those babies. I know who was. I am puzzled as to why my stomach showed no visible signs of being ripped open. It just closed right back up like nothing had ever happened. My immediately breastfeeding the child represents my feelings of sadness about wanting to be closer with my children but feeling unable to, as breastfeeding is a highly intimate activity between mother and child. That's all I know. If I come up with what I think the 'no scar thing' means, I will update then.