BURNOUT

So, if there was one word that I heard continuously throughout my college Chemical Dependency Curriculum it was BURNOUT. "Burnout" "Burnout" "Burnout". Heard it ALLLLLL the time. That Counselors get burnout ALL the time because they overwork themselves and dig themselves into more work than they can handle. Burnout wasn't something I ever thought I'd experience. I mean, I knew the emotional toll it took on someone to care for others all day. On the days I did my internships, I was more tired at the end of the day than if I had done 8 hours of manual labor. So, I know that dealing with other people's emotional baggage can tire you out, but HOLY SHIT. I learned what burnout feels like. I worked a total of 57.5 hours for week 1 and I have already agreed to 8 hours of overtime for week 2. Every one of my paychecks has had overtime on it except my first one. I usually work 4 days a week since I work extended shifts, but this last week, I worked 6 days and this week, I'm working at least 5 days...who knows if they'll ask me for more overtime. Even though I'm exhausted, I'll take it and I'll say YES, like a dumbass. As much as I heard about burnout, I still didn't understand how it felt. I just assumed it meant you got over exhausted and I guess I assumed right because I'm downright BURNT the hell out. I'm EXHAUSTED. I have to work 3pm-11pm on Thursday and then be back at work by 6:30am on Friday...I joked that I should just sleep in the Handicapped room at work that night. I took the kids to their doctor's appointment this morning. They were done and at school by 9am and I came home and I slept until 2pm, got up, took a shower and went to work and I'm still beat after sleeping all day. I'm off to bed now, but I'm done. I'm spent.

FTW

Yes, I have anger issues, everyone knows this. Yes, I have jealousy issues, everyone knows this. But, that is part of who I am and I am working on both of them. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm still grieving my grandmother's death and my OTHER grandmother's 5 year death anniversary was the 15th of October and her birthday is coming up soon too, on the 5th of November. I remember the last time I saw her coherent. Ashelyn was 7 months old and sitting on her bed and playing with her. The next time I saw her, it was a few hours before she died. Work has sucked for the past two weeks so now, I'm kind of disappointed...mostly with work issues. Yeah, so, the residents hate me. One informed me that she didn't want me as her Primary Counselor. My boss laughed and said that means that I'm doing my job, lol...when they're pissed at you and they hate you, you're doing your job...I'm not upset about her not liking me. She hasn't liked ANY Counselor that has ever been her Primary, so that's fine. But, I'm exhausted and moody lately (I'm not moody at work. I drop my troubles at the door when I walk in and I leave them on the "doorstep"). I guess, if you don't like it, don't hang around me. It's a phase I'm going through and it'll soon pass. I have a lot on my plate right now whether anyone else realizes it or not. I'm not listing everything here. I think I may have already but the list has increased since then. So, yeah, if you don't like me, then do me a favor and leave me the hell alone. I don't need your drama too.

STILL LAZY

I have every Friday off. Last Friday, after the kids went to school, I slept all day. This Friday, I went tanning, cashed my paycheck, got five money orders, paid some bills, came home, and...you guessed it...went back to sleep. I went back to sleep around noon and forced myself out of bed at 3;30pm to get the kids off the bus at 3:45pm. The past two Fridays, all I've done is slept. It's not like my job is physically exhausting, although it is emotionally draining at times. And we did take the girls to the YMCA, where I challenged some of them to a race around the track...one girl beat me, but this girl is about 6' tall already and she's only 15. She has legs longer than God knows what!! So, I'm sore too. I'm making dinner for the kids now and yup, you guessed it again...going to bed early, lol. I'm exhausted! I have tomorrow off too and need to get some laundry done and CLEAN this house. It's disgusting!