FTW

Yes, I have anger issues, everyone knows this. Yes, I have jealousy issues, everyone knows this. But, that is part of who I am and I am working on both of them. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm still grieving my grandmother's death and my OTHER grandmother's 5 year death anniversary was the 15th of October and her birthday is coming up soon too, on the 5th of November. I remember the last time I saw her coherent. Ashelyn was 7 months old and sitting on her bed and playing with her. The next time I saw her, it was a few hours before she died. Work has sucked for the past two weeks so now, I'm kind of disappointed...mostly with work issues. Yeah, so, the residents hate me. One informed me that she didn't want me as her Primary Counselor. My boss laughed and said that means that I'm doing my job, lol...when they're pissed at you and they hate you, you're doing your job...I'm not upset about her not liking me. She hasn't liked ANY Counselor that has ever been her Primary, so that's fine. But, I'm exhausted and moody lately (I'm not moody at work. I drop my troubles at the door when I walk in and I leave them on the "doorstep"). I guess, if you don't like it, don't hang around me. It's a phase I'm going through and it'll soon pass. I have a lot on my plate right now whether anyone else realizes it or not. I'm not listing everything here. I think I may have already but the list has increased since then. So, yeah, if you don't like me, then do me a favor and leave me the hell alone. I don't need your drama too.

Grief

So, yeah, I have some misdirected anger. I guess that can happen when you're grieving...well, it can happen anytime, but I suppose that it happens more often when you're grieving. This guy barged right in and bought my Grama's house and property last week. On Friday I believe. Who does he think he is? He can't buy my Grama's house. I'm very angry at this man for buying my Grama's house and property. But, I am aware of the fact that the anger is misdirected and probably because I haven't yet gotten out of denial about her death. Well, then again, maybe I have because anger is the second stage of the grieving process. Hmmm. DABDA...Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance...although you can bounce back and forth and in between these stages at anytime. I am truly aware of the fact that I have no right to be angry at this man. And that I will only stay angry for as long as I ALLOW myself to. So, I'mma (my neww favorite word...or non-word) work on dealing with that anger in a healthy way.