Messes

I can't keep my house clean for 30 minutes at a time. Every time I clean, SOMEONE spills something, drops something, or otherwise makes some kind of mess. I HATE doing dishes and I'm not very disciplined so I have a huge pile of dishes in the sink. You'd think with my perfectionism I would do the dishes, but I just have no desire to do ANYTHING. I have a TON of laundry, probably at least 15 loads. People may think that sitting in tx groups is easy all day, but it's very emotionally exhausting, especially last Friday. The last thing I want to do when I come home is clean and cook and give baths. I really just want to go to bed in all honesty. That's why I enjoyed working evenings. I could start a load of laundry before I left for work, or even get a load or two done before I WENT to work, and then put it in the dryer when I got home. Now, I just don't feel like doing ANYTHING. Andrew has ONE chore-taking out the garbage and all he does is bitch and complain about it because he doesn't have to do anything at his father's house. He is completely chore free. Oh well, whatever. I can't stick to my meal plan on the weekends and on evenings. I didn't realize I was required to until I FINALLY got to meet with the nutritionist on Thursday. So, yesterday, I ate one meal instead of the three I'm supposed to eat, plus one afternoon snack. Today is going equally as well, I haven't eaten a damn thing. My weight is going to drop tomorrow and I'm going to get in trouble. I know that I'll get thrown into inpatient if I can't stick to the meal plans. First, they'll just increase my exchanges and if that doesn't work, I'll end up inpatient which I can't afford. I raise two children BY myself. I don't have anyone that can watch them while I'm inpatient. Everyone else has other responsibilities. And then my mom calls and says she's bringing cupcakes over for Valentine's Day. I tell her that it's hard for me to have that kind of food around the house and she totally didn't even try to understand. "Just eat." Yeah, it's not that simple, thanks. You can say that I shouldn't have had my kids if I couldn't handle them and you can say that I chose this life because I chose their fathers, and to an extent, I DID, but I didn't know they were going to be complete losers. So anyway, yeah, it's difficult for me as a single mother to deal with thew things I have on my plate right now. It's hard when you have no direct support to come home to every night and on the weekends. When I get upset or angry, I don't want to eat. When I see that I've gained weight, I don't want to eat.