Christmas without Grama...

People have been telling me to "get out of the depressed rut" I'm in. People have gotten upset with me and mad at me because I feel sad and depressed...look at the positives (please just TRY to respect where I "am" right now in regards to my feelings and what's going on in my life. I don't tell others how to feel, please don't tell me how I should feel), well right now, all I can think about is Christmas Eve...For the last 30 years, since I was a baby, we've always had a Christmas tradition on Christmas Eve with my Grandmother. The entire family (my dad, my aunt, her kids, me and my sister...and now the great grandchildren) would all go to Grama's house and have a big Italian dinner (the past few years it has been pizza and wings because Grama wasn't feeling well) and exchange gifts. That won't be happening this year. Grama's gone and so is her house. I have to work, but my dad is doing the "tradition" at his house, but it still won't be the same. It will never be the same and I just can't get into this year. I hate Christmas as a rule anyway, but this year, I just have no desire to celebrate it. I wish that I could go to bed on December 23rd and wake up on December 26th and it will all be over with. I hate Christmas music and change the station whenever it comes on anyway, but this year, it makes me start to cry immediately. I do have to work on Christmas and Christmas Eve so I am hoping that helps me keep my mind off things, but it's still going to be hard for me, it already is.