Can't sleep...as usual

You can love someone without liking them, did you know that? A handful of people love me, but none of them like me...as a person I mean, for who I am. One of them only loves me when I'm being successful or doing a good job. If I'm depressed sad or angry, that person gets all pissed off and stops loving me for a while. The others just love me because they have to, but they don't like me as a person. My Grama had enough in her heart for both for me. She loved me and she liked me for who I was no matter what I did or how many times I fucked up. Everyone says that unconditional love is impossible except for God, well, I'm here to tell you it isn't because my Grama loved me unconditionally-she always did. But now she's gone and I have to deal with that. My therapist likes me because she gets $145 a session to sit and listen to me. Everyone else just loves me because they have to, they're my family. My kids just love me because they need me, but nobody truly likes Michelle. Nobody truly loves the real me. Part of that is my fault of course, I don't let many people see the real me and I'm really good at screwing things up, it's been a hobby of mine since June 9th, 1979 at 8:56am...or actually, sometime in September of 1978 when the sperm met the egg. They both knew they were both evil and the Devil decided that everyone I would ever meet needed to be punished. Eh, yeah, say I'm feeling sorry for myself, but seriously...I have not one friend in the world and I don't talk to my family other than to ask for help with transportation for the kids. I know I can pick up the phone too, but sometimes I don't pick up the phone just to see if they care enough to call me...maybe they're doing the same thing, who knows, but I do know that my Grama loved me unconditionally and she even liked me too, so please don't tell me it's impossible. I have seen this great feat and know it for myself to be true. God is not the only one that can love unconditionally, unless he sent a little bit of himself down from Heaven with my Grama.