I feel like such a loser

I'm not writing this so you'll tell me I'm not. I'm writing this because I FEEL like a loser, not because I'm saying I'm a loser. It's just a temporary feeling I have about myself right now. Andrew called his grandparents to see if they were picking him up tomorrow to bring him to his dad's. He had called his dad and the phone automatically went to..."voicemail hasn't been set up on this phone...". Anyway, I get a phone call back from the Andrew's grandfather. He asks to speak to Andrew so I let him, assuming he was just going to tell him whether or not they were picking Andrew up for visitation. After he talks for a while (I hear Andrew say some "off" things, but don't think much of it, because IMO, that whole family is "off", not Andrew, his father's family) he hands me the phone so I say hello. Andrew's grandfather starts talking about child support coupons and he's ranting (not yelling) just going on and on very fast. I'm trying to figure out what his point is/was...anyway, all of a sudden I hear him say that Jason is in jail for the next 4-6 months for not paying his fines. Since he was talking about child support coupons and I had just mentioned in Family Court a couple weeks ago that Jason had not made any effort to pay towards the child care arrears, I assumed that's what he was in jail for. Then I said, "Does Andrew know all of this?" And Joe, rudely says, "Yes. I told him the truth. That his dad had tickets and he didn't pay the fines because he didn't have a job and didn't have any money and I had to close the business so I couldn't pay the fines so he went to jail" OKAYYYYYYYYYYY, so, he's not in jail for child support issues. Why the heck was he talking about child support coupons? You know, it's been a long week----a girl gets confuzzled pretty quickly when someone is ranting in circles....give the girl a break. Anyway, his father is in jail for non payment of SEVERAL traffic ticket fines, including a few DUI opiate narcotics charges/DWI charges. How many tickets does this man have? Because he definitely said ticketS, as in more than one. More importantly, Andrew is hurt as hell. What do I do? He has lost his great grandmother-his best friend in the whole world, less than a year ago, and now, he won't be seeing his father for at least 4-6 months. And, his grandfather has cancer. So, he's going to lose him as well. I don't know how to deal with this. I didn't know how to deal with Andrew and the loss of my Grandmother, but I did it and I thought I did a pretty good job. I know this isn't about me, but I'm just finishing treatment and am vulnerable myself. I hate to see my kid in pain, yet, now I am forced to, yet again by circumstances out of my control. I wish his grandfather had not gone into such great detail with him. Yes, he needs to know the truth, but he doesn't need to know EVERYTHING. And I don't know what to say or do to comfort him. "Yup, dad's in jail, but it'll all work out". Um, no. Why did I pick such a loser? I'm not the best mother, by far (Thanks Andy for pointing that out to me and actually telling me what a crappy mother I am...you too mom) and now, his father is gone for 4-6 months. I just set my child up for a lifetime of problems just like I have. My problems stem from my childhood and I was a victim as a child of things that were not in my control, but, now I'm an adult and I'm not a victim anymore...the things that were done to me-or NOT done to me as a child by MY role models is something that *I* have to fix, not THEM. Seems unfair, and I guess it is, but I'm still responsible for getting well and correcting the harm that's been done. And unless you've been raised in an extremely dysfunctional, addictive environment, STFU if you have the urge to say that YOU would have "come out of it" all "put together and happy" and your life would be great. Maybe so, but not the typical story of someone who has been raised in a highly dysfunctional, addictive environment. So, in 10 years, Andrew will be right where I'm at, thanks to ME. Thanks to his mother. The one who is supposed to protect him and make sure that he grows up healthy; emotionally and mentally, as well as physically...I've done irreversible damage to my child. I wouldn't change Andrew or his personality for the world. I just wish his father wasn't the way he is. THAT, *I* can't change and have no power over. But, it just further sets the stage for my son to grow up and be angry, bitter, and miserable...between me and his father he has NO fighting chance!